Desperate
by Meowser Clancy
Summary: A conversation with Derek Morgan might lead to a lot more for Kate Callahan. AU. No Chris and Kate doesn't have custody of Meg. Complete but a sequel is always possible.


The day was chilly as Morgan and Kate hopped from the SUV and hurried into the small diner. The wind nipped at their exposed faces and Kate shivered as she shoved her hands deeper into her pockets.

"Damn, I wish I'd brought a heavier coat," Kate swore when they finally made it into the diner. "And gloves. My hands are freezing." She brought them to her mouth to blow on them but at the last second, Morgan grabbed them between his.

"If your hands are cold, this will work," Morgan vowed, rubbing them with his.

"You're rubbing them so hard I feel like I'll see sparks," Kate joked, and Morgan laughed.

Since she'd joined the team back in October, three months ago, she and her coworker, SSA Derek Morgan, had had an easygoing relationship. Sometimes they'd flirt, as indeed Derek Morgan flirted with every woman, taken or not.

She looked sideways at him after he dropped her hands. "All better?" He asked, checking her out.

She nodded her okay as a waitress/maitre-di hurried up to greet them. "Just you two?" She asked, grabbing two menus.

"Yes, Mandy, just us," Morgan agreed, reading her name tag and the woman blushed.

"Then follow me," she said and they walked after her to their table.

Morgan pulled Kate's chair out for her. "Thank you," she said, sliding into it.

"Today's specials are clam chowder and the Caesar salad with bacon," Mandy announced as she handed them her menus. "All refills, except water, cost 25 cents. Sorry, costs are up. Deeanne will be by in a minute to take your drink orders."

She hurried away from their table and Kate studied the menu. "Well, it's always good to support little places like this," she said. "I guess I'll get a hot cocoa and some refills."

Morgan glanced at her over his menu. "Coke for me," he said simply when Deeanne came over. "And how are you doing, Deeanne?"

"I'm okay," Deeanne answered, smiling a huge smile at him when he asked. "How's your day been?"

"It's getting better," Morgan said, flashing his white teeth. Deeanne looked flustered as she took Kate's order of hot cocoa and walked away to fulfill their order.

"Damn, you flirt with everyone, don't you?" Kate asked, studying Morgan more closely than she intended.

"Every woman deserves to feel beautiful," Morgan said simply. "And I know that I'm a pretty handsome guy. Any woman would be flattered, right? It's a charity thing. And I truly think that every person deserves that."

"Then why don't you flirt with guys?" Kate teased.

"Uh uh," Morgan said. "That's not my job."

His phone chimed and he looked at it with a frown.

"What?" She asked. "Is it from Hotch? Should I be expecting one?"

"No, it's from Savannah," Morgan said.

"Your girlfriend?" Kate asked as Deeanne returned with their drinks.

"Can I get you guys started?" She asked, placing a hot mug of cocoa in front of Kate. Kate took a cautious sip and sighed.

"I'd like the Reuben," Morgan ordered. "With the side salad-do you have blue cheese dressing?"

"Yes, we do," Deeanne replied.

"And could I get the Cajun potato salad instead of fries?" Morgan finished.

"Of course," Deeanne replied. "And you?"

Kate hadn't really studied the menu. "Um...the breakfast skillet, with the eggs poached. And no toast or anything like that."

"You got it," Deeanne said and walked away.

There was a moment of silence. "See...I broke up with Savannah a few weeks ago," Morgan said. "And it's been awkward trying to find times for her to take her stuff back...plus, I think she wants to reconcile."

"And you don't want that?" Kate asked, studying the man seated across from her.

"Not right now," Morgan said. "For the longest time, I was content being a player. Then with Savannah...I thought I'd made it, you know? I thought she would be the one and for a while, she honestly was."

"And then?" Kate asked.

Morgan got an odd look on his face. "See, for me, for men in general, I don't know, you never fully turn off that looking thing. I check women out naturally. It's just engrained in me to see. If we'd work out, if she'd be worth it. And with Savannah, it was toned down. I wouldn't let myself go farther than superficial things. But then I met someone. And it's like the whole game changed. I couldn't stop thinking about her. And Savannah just wasn't the one anymore. But I don't want to mention it to the person I'm interested in because I think she'll just think I'm a player, that it's not real." Morgan's eyes met hers with an intensity that startled Kate. "But it is real."

While he was talking, Kate had found herself watching his every move and gesture. She felt like she'd been sucked into a different universe or something because he was mesmerizing her. It had been like this for awhile but the news that he'd broken up with Savannah seemed to break something in her; she gave herself permission to be seriously interested in him.

Until he finished what he was saying and she plummeted back down to earth. Of course. Of course it was because he was interested in someone else. Like it could have anything to do with her.

Damn.

"Well, why not tell her?" Kate asked. "Why wouldn't she believe you? Why do you think that?"

I would believe anything you told me, even if it was a lie. Maybe especially if it was.

"I don't know her that well," Morgan said. "We haven't known each other that long and she's very private."

Kate tilted her head, wondering who he could be talking about. "Well, if you really don't think she's approachable, why break up with Savannah?"

"Because it isn't right anymore," Morgan said. "And it's sure as hell not fair to her when I'm supposed to be having a romantic dinner with her and all I end up thinking about is..."

"Oh," Kate answered and Morgan leaned back in his seat with a sigh.

"Yeah, oh," he said. "What else is there to say?"

"I think you should try harder with the other woman then," Kate said. "Let them know in subtle, or not so subtle, ways, that you think about them."

"Then let's give it a try," Morgan said. "One thing is that she never calls me by my first name."

"But Morgan, barely anyone does," Kate said. "Does she work with you?"

"You could say that," Morgan said. "Derek. My name is Derek."

Their food arrived. Kate's head was spinning and she was wondering what this meant.

"Derek." She started. "Does she know that you're in a relationship? Or were?"

"Yeah, and that might have been part of it," Derek said, taking a bite of his potato salad. "But she knows that I broke up with Savannah."

Kate felt a warm feeling start in her stomach. A heat that suddenly kindled, a hope in her that she was who he was talking about.

So far, all the pieces fit...right?

"Is she in a relationship?" Kate asked.

"She's very private," Derek said. "I know that she's close with her sister's family, and that that might have contributed to her not really having her own family. I don't even know if she dates."

Kate felt her pulse speed up and her throat almost stopped working so she took a sip of cocoa. "I know that, um, with private women, sometimes they don't like to date because it's so risky."

"Is it?" Derek asked.

"And because they don't tend to fall for someone very often, but when they do they fall hard."

"Really?" Derek asked.

"Has she ever given you signs she wouldn't be open to something with you?" Kate asked, her voice almost shaking.

"Yeah, actually," Derek said. "That is, I once overheard her say that she was very grateful for the no fraternization rule in the BAU."

I was saying that to ease my pain, Kate thought, flashing back to a day spent talking with JJ. I was saying that because it lessened the hurt of how unavailable you were. That at least the person you were dating wasn't working with us.

There was the sound of someone clearing their throat. They both looked up in surprise, to see an older woman standing there.

"I know it's totally inappropriate, but I just had to say what a good couple you two make," she said. "I once dated a black man, but my father didn't approve. I've always regretted sending him away. I'm glad times changed, that you two live in a world where it's possible."

"It's because of your generation that it is," Derek said, smiling at her. "Thank you."

She walked away and Kate glanced at Derek. "We're not a couple."

"Why disillusion her?" Derek asked, but then the smile fell from his face. "Or are you saying it couldn't happen?"

"I'm saying that we should make it official before letting old ladies know it," Kate said. "Is the women you keep talking about sitting across from you?"

Derek looked down at his plate. "Yes, she is."

"Is she more insensitive than a post?" Kate asked, flushing.

"No, she's actually one of the most compassionate people I know," Derek said.

"I want it too," she blurted. "Holy god, Derek. I want it too. I don't care if you're a player. I don't care about any of that."

Derek shook his head. "What a place to say it in," he said, almost laughing as he reached across the table to take her hand. "She's also painfully honest sometimes."

"I want to put all my cards on the table, what can I say?" Kate said. "I'm private but I don't mean to be. It just never comes up. How do you insert desperate and looking into casual conversation with people?"

"Desperate?" Derek asked.

"For you," Kate clarified. "For you."


End file.
